Feeling lonely happens to almost everybody. What we’ve done to escape it will be shared in this discussion.
Marina (M): Dating was my favorite way of escaping loneliness. A few years ago, I was so used to living with my partner, that when we broke up, I literally couldn’t stay by myself. So, I started using Tinder. I got addicted to the dopamine that this app gave me.
Now it’s different. Those kinds of superficial dates aren’t fulfilling for me anymore. I still feel lonely sometimes, especially late at night before going to sleep in my empty bed.
A: To be honest, that was the reason why I stayed in my marriage — I didn’t want to be alone. But being in a relationship isn’t the cure for being alone.
M: Even in a relationship you could feel lonely. This reminds me of Almodovar’s Movie Pain and Glory. The main actor said something like “you are alone in your own worlds although you are sleeping together”. I relate a lot to this because in my last relationship we were physically together, but we had almost nothing in common. I was longing for deeper connection. I didn’t feel that our hearts were connected and it was like we were in a soulless relationship. In that movie one more thought touched me really deeply: “Sometimes love is not enough”.
A: It’s just because we have high expectations towards romantic love.
M: Of course we do. We grew up listening to fairy tales and watching romantic movies. At least I did. :D
The prince comes, saves the princess “and they lived happily ever after”.
No one shares what happens after the wedding and how much effort you need to put in a relationship to make it work. For many years I didn’t see the other side of the coin when it comes to love: for me it was only flowers and roses, no problems, just joy and happiness. Unfortunately, this doesn’t exist in life. Even when it comes to self-love, I have some low moments when I am very critical towards myself and I am far beyond being loving and kind to myself.
A: I’ve done this to myself as well. In my opinion, this is the relationship in which we should invest the most effort — the relationship with ourselves. Because I am the person with whom I will spend my whole life, every single day.
M: Yes, that’s right. I think that’s the cure for loneliness — turning it into solitude or how I love to write it “soulitude”.
In conclusion, don’t run away, stop, breathe, accept yourself and start your journey to self-love! It is limitless, it is 100% in your control and it could be unconditional.
